Extasis

This guy...

It was about six pm on a Saturday afternoon in early May, the trees were beginning to green and warm weather could almost be counted on. My day had been, unfortunately, typical, which is to say impossibly busy and now I was pretty sure that the model home that I was going to see had already closed. I was running up the steps to the front door when this guy was coming out. He looked at me and said. "Sorry buddy but we're closed."

"Oh fuck!" I stopped to catch my breath. Then realized that he was taking that remark personally. "Oh geez, I'm sorry!" I laughed.
"It's not your fault. I just need a job with normal hours."

He smiled. "They killin ya?" "Sometimes it feels like it."


He smiled at me again and I noticed that he had blue eyes, you know the kind that are brilliant blue with a kind of black surround that just seems to make the blue stand out even more. He held out his hand.
"My name is Daniel O'Connor."

"I'm James Lapointe. Is that the same O'Connor of O'Connor Homes as in the sign out front?"

"That's me, actually it was mostly my dad up until he died a few years ago. Now it's me." He looked down for a second. "Why don't you come in and look around. It's not like anybody's waiting for me."

"Man I would really appreciate that!
I can't seem to find the time during normal hours."

Daniel walked me around the model home and showed me the many variations that were possible. I told him what I liked and how I would really like to have a custom home built on land that was not necessarily part of a development. He said that they did have some land that would fit that description and that he'd be glad to show it to me.


Daniel was a stunningly good looking man, at least to me. He was short and thin, maybe 5'6" and 140 pounds with black slightly wavy hair and as he walked away from me I noticed that he had what looked to be an incredible ass. There was a quality about him, something was telling me that he was gay. Not that he was effeminate because he wasn't but there was something there.

After an hour or so of talking I said to him. "Daniel you said you didn't have anyone waiting for you. Would you like to have dinner? I don't have anyone waiting either."

Daniel looked at me and smiled. "Yeah.....I think I'd like that." God he's got a pretty mouth!

I walked over to him. "We could take my car," I pointed toward the door. "it's just out front." He was looking up at me with those gorgeous blue eyes.

I was fiddling with the keys in my coat pocket and I suddenly wanted to kiss this guy so bad. "Damn! Look if I'm wrong here, please forgive me." I reached over and put my hand behind his neck and drew him slowly to me. I was lowering my head and thank god he was opening his mouth slightly. I kissed him soooooo gently, our lips just touching, a whisper. "Oh god!"


He was looking into my eyes and then he looked down quickly and then back. He smiled. "You're a good kisser." He laughed. "You kiss everyone that tries to sell you something?"

I was still holding his face gently in my hands. I smiled. "Only the very best looking ones." I lowered my head and kissed him again this time probing his mouth tentatively with my tongue.

He wasn't trying in any way to pull away from me, if anything he was leaning into me. "There's a restaurant a mile or so from here." His voice was soft. "They have great steaks."

"Would that be okay with you? I mean, let's do that okay?"
"Okay but ya gotta let go of my hand or I can't put my jacket on."
He laughed and it went into me like an electric current.

I just couldn't stop looking at him. I felt like a complete fool but I just couldn't take my eyes off of him and the more that I watched him the more that he watched me watching him.

look
"You gonna be okay?" He put his hand on my arm and looked up at me.
"Maybe food." I coughed. "Maybe I just need some food...haven't eaten."

The restaurant was close and well I guess the word would be intimate, dark wood, a fireplace. We both order steak and had just gotten our wine.

Daniel asked. "So tell me what you do for a living?"
"Okay but please don't hate me."
"Oh god, you rob banks!" He was smiling.
I laughed. "No, it's worse that that, much worse."
"Oh no! Don't tell me that you're a lawyer?"
I lowered my head. "It's true."
"Well you must have learned how to kiss before you became one." The candle on the table was dancing light around his face.
I pushed my hand across the table and just barely touched his fingertips.
"You liked being kissed didn't' you?"
He smiled and nodded. "You taste good."


"I still can't believe that I did it. I've never done anything like that in my life." I was looking at my glass of wine as I swirled it around. "I mean, most of my life I've tried to hide the fact that I'm gay and even after all that's happened I still don't advertise it but you had a look on your face..............like you needed to be kissed." I looked at him and smiled. "I hope you don't think I'm a nut of some kind."

Daniel looked at me questioningly. "What all has happened? Well.....if you want to talk about it."
"Divorce." I looked at the table. "My wife hired a detective and he caught me with a guy. You'd think that I'd know better." I looked up at Daniel.
"How long were you married?"

"Twelve years, two kids, both boys, Robert 12 and Jason 10, they both hate me now." I could say it but there was no way to describe how much it hurt, having your sons hate you.

Daniel looked at me but I couldn't read his expression.
"I'm sorry about the pain involved. How long did you know that you were gay?"

"Oh god, from the time that I was twelve." I ran my hand through my hair.
"I just couldn't deal with it. Now everyone knows and, well,
I guess, that mostly I've never been happier.
Well, maybe happy isn't the right word."



"God," I said, "don't tell me that I'm some exmarried guy
with kids and hang-ups that you'd just as soon never see again."

Daniel laughed. "Are you always this hard on yourself?"
"No," I laughed, "remember, I'm a lawyer, usually I'm an egotistical asshole who thinks he's the greatest thing ever to happen."
"So why are you being so hard on yourself now?"
Daniel was starring sheepishly into my eyes.

I looked down at the table.
"Your kiss..............and something about you.
I've been looking so long....
I mean there's no one to come home to......no one to care."
I looked at Daniel. "Am I freaking you?"

"Well you can't tell me you haven't been invited to parties.
I know the rich queens in this town and I'm sure they wanted you for breakfast."

I laughed. "Actually you're right. I just couldn't deal with that." I looked seriously at Daniel. "I'm really just a normal guy," I laughed again.
"except of course for the whole liking to have sex with men thing."

The waiter brought our food and we began to eat,
Daniel eating sparingly and me wolfing it down.
"So, you never answered me, am I freaking you out?"


"Nope, you're not freaking me out. I guess that I pretty much feel the same way."
He was twisting his napkin. "I've had boyfriends before, well a couple, but they never lasted. Well, the only important one was the first one and it turned out that he never really cared about me." This looked painful for him. "He worked for my dad and he wanted to.....well, improve his position."

I spoke very softly. "How long were you with the first one?"

He looked up at me. "Four years." He laughed but he looked like he wanted to cry. "We didn't live together but I did think that he loved me. Turns out he wanted job insurance and something to fuck. He's married now." He looked at me with a kind of panic. "God I didn't mean to unload that on you! I'm really sorry."

I took his hand in mine.
"It's okay Daniel, you can tell me whatever you need to tell me."
"I don't think that I've ever told anyone all this shit before, at least not at one sitting." His hand was still in mine and he was making no attempt to pull it back.
"I guess that I'd better give you back your hand so that we can at least finish our dinner."


He looked at me and smiled and then looked down.
"You can have it back over coffee, if you want."
He groaned and lowered his head.
"God, I can't believe I said that."

I reached over and took his hand again.
"Daniel, I spend every waking moment trying to get the truth out of people or trying to make them see the truth. You can be sappy with me as long as that's the way you really feel." I smiled at him. "Actually I like sappy." Then softly. "I like you."

"I like you too." He smiled broadly.
"I let you kiss me an hour after we met for chrissake!"

"It felt good didn't it?" I said smiling.

He looked at me shyly. "I can still feel it."
Then "And yeah it sure did feel good.
It's been a long time since I let anyone kiss me.
I forgot how..........intimate it is."

I looked at Daniel for a minute. "Daniel, I like you, I think that I like you a lot, but we can go as slow as you need to go. I know that those first relationships have probably left you feeling like you can't trust anyone, so if I start going faster than you want to go just tell me. You won't hurt my feelings," I smiled. "I'm pretty tough."

Daniel looked at me for a long while. "James, how about this; we consider this dinner to be our first date and then tomorrow you come over to my house for dinner. We can be a lot more relaxed there, I won't be so tired, and we can really get to know each other." Then. "They don't make you work on Sunday do they?"

"Nope," I smiled. "hasn't occurred to them yet and that sounds great. Can I come early?"

Daniel was drawing a map on the back of a business card. "How bout noon? And don't dress fancy, shorts or sweats would be fine. I'm a slob on the weekend, especially Sunday." He looked down at the table and scratched the back of his head then looked up at me. "If I had a lover I'd stay naked the whole day." He laughed an embarrassed laugh. "Shit! Forget that I said that!"

I laughed out loud. "I never forget!" I touched his hand and spoke seriously. "You can't imagine how I dream of a day like that. It's the thought of days like that that keep me going."

It was dark when I dropped Daniel off at his car and we embraced for a long time and I got to really kiss him. Feeling his slender hard body against mine was intoxicating for us both and we both had hardon's.

Daniel said. "Geez, I better get outta here before I do something that I don't want to do just yet." He touched his forehead to my chest. "God I hope you're for real."

I lifted his chin and gently kissed him. I whispered. "I am for real Daniel." I put my hand behind his neck and drew his head to my chest. "Baby, we just have to see if we're right for each other. I'm hoping we are. I need this so bad."

I decided to wear to Daniel's exactly what I would have been wearing if I was spending the day at home. This consisted of baseball cap, track suit pants, tee shirt, sweat shirt, sneakers, and ah, no underwear.

Hysterically, it looked like we had coordinated our clothes, he was wearing the exact same thing.

"Geez you've got great taste in clothes." Daniel was smiling.

"Well you did say casual." When I walked in I held Daniel lightly and kissed him. I did it casually because you never know how much of last night was just something of the moment and I didn't want him to think that I was assuming too much. He returned the kiss and I sensed the same need that I did the night before.

I massaged his shoulders while I looked into his eyes. "You okay today?

"Maybe a little scared." He was looking me right in the eyes. "But that won't stop me."


"Don't be afraid. I won't bite unless you tell me to."

"Well I think the idea here is that we relax and just be ourselves so come on in the kitchen and we'll get some coffee and I'll give ya a tour of the place." Daniel took my hand and led me through the foyer and down a short hallway to the kitchen.

While Daniel was pouring coffee I reached up under his sweatshirt and rubbed my hands against his naked chest. A soft "mmmmm" came from his throat. "Now if you keep that up we're going to end up on the kitchen floor and the only thing we're going to find out about each other is that we both like sex." He laughed. "Besides, that's cheating." He pulled my hands out from under his sweatshirt.

"When I'm near you it's hard not to touch you." I kissed the back of his neck. I turned Daniel around and wrapped my arms around him. "I don't think that I've ever felt this connected with someone, so relaxed." I quickly kissed him. "I feel that we're meant to be together, that it's fate."

Daniel grabbed my hand and pulled me to the living room. We sat on a brown leather sofa and Daniel laid back and put his feet up on a cocktail table. "High school, I went to high school in Milwaukee and college at UW at Madison, majored in architecture with a minor in English." He rolled his head and looked at me. "Your turn."

"Okay, high school in Lake Forest Illinois, the Marine Corp and then college and law school at Northwestern. I always knew that I wanted to be a lawyer. My dad is one and he's kinda my hero and my mom is nice too but she doesn't do much."

"Why is your dad your hero?"
"Cause he's honest. I mean he's also incredibly tough and smart but he's got like this solid inner core of honesty that just anchors him." I knew that tears were starting to form at the corners of my eyes but I ignored them. I reached over and took Daniel's hand. "I want to be like my dad, that's really important to me."

"Hmmm, sounds like my dad." Daniel was twisting and playing with my finger. "Even when he found out that I was gay, and in the beginning he was finding out in the worst possible way with that guy starting rumors and shit. He just told me that I should always tell the truth, no matter what it was and that if it turned out that I was gay it would be okay as long as I told the truth."

Daniel looked at me. "What did your dad say about the divorce?"
"Oh god! That was so hard. I had to tell him before he heard about it and I would have rather done about anything other than that." I pulled Daniel to me on the sofa. "When I was telling him he didn't say a word, just stared at me and listened, no expression on his face at all. It was more frightening than if he had exploded or something. Anyway when I finally finished he says. "James before I comment on this I would like some time to do a little research." Then he says that he loves me and nothing changes that, ever, but he needs a little time. It took him about a week and by that time he probably knew more about being gay than Larry Kramer."

Daniel had let me pull him to me while I was telling him about my dad and as I was talking he just seemed to naturally snuggle down against me. I had an arm over his shoulder and from time to time I would bend down and kiss the top of his head.


"You're lucky you've still got your dad and your mom." He looked up at me.
"Loosing my dad was really rough, there was my mom to worry about, the business to worry about and then the whole emotional thing of not having him around anymore." Daniel laughed. "Sorry. I don't usually do the self pity thing."

Suddenly Daniel sat up. "Wanna see my favorite room?" He was smiling. "Come on."
He grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the sofa and dragged me upstairs.

"You taking me someplace where you can have your way with me."

"Maybe later but now I want to show you this room." Daniel pulled me into a fairly small room that was all windows and faced the south. The sun was streaming in and if the upper part of the window wasn't open the room would have been intolerably hot, at least for May. There was no furniture in the room but lots of plants, all kinds including herbs. Daniel laid down in the center of the room on the floor the sun was hitting him full on. "In the middle of winter when it's really cold outside I come into this room and lay here naked and then it doesn't feel like I'm trapped in this snow covered place." He rolled over and looked up at me. "You think that I'm totally fucking nuts don't you?"

I laughed out loud and straddled Daniel on the floor. I leaned down and kissed him. "No, no I don't." I laid down next to him. "Nothing that makes you happy is crazy, nothing." I was running my fingers through his hair and my face was very close to his.

Suddenly I realized that maybe I was pushing him and I laid my head on the floor. "Daniel, am I pushing too hard. I really don't mean to."

"No James! No honest you're not." Daniel rolled on his side and put his hand on the back of my neck. "I like what you're doing. It makes me feel good, like you really care."

"I do care." I was still starring at the floor. "Daniel it doesn't make any sense to me and I don't expect you to feel the same way yet but I think that I'm falling in love with you." I put my hand on his chest. "Please Daniel don't let that freak you out. I probably shouldn't have said it but I was gonna go crazy if I didn't."

I finally looked up at Daniel and he was smiling. He reached over and touched my face. "Good, I wouldn't want to be falling in love alone."


I leaned over and kissed him and then wrapped my arms around him and kissed him even more deeply. "I promise that I won't hurt you Daniel, not like those other guys, I'd never do that." I laid my head on his chest. "What do we do now?"

Daniel got up and pulled me up with him. He took my hand and we walked slowly to his bedroom. "It's been over a year since I had sex with another person. Horny doesn't really describe it." He smiled at me and wrapped his arm around my neck.
"Not that I want to put a lot of pressure on ya or anything but god I need it."

I pushed Daniel down on the bed and layed down on top of him.
"So this is just like you want a stud service right? I smiled and kissed him.
"You got it babe!"
"Well, I'm your guy." I started pulling his sweatshirt off over his head. His tee shirt came off with the sweatshirt and for the first time I was looking at Daniel's naked chest. "God you're fucking gorgeous!"


I can't describe how beautiful Daniel looked to me, his black hair, his blue eyes, his chest was defined without being overworked. I lifted my self up and slowly pulled down his track pants. His cock caught on the waist band but then slapped against his stomach. I pulled his pants off and tossed them on the floor. Daniel was totally naked.

I pulled my sweatshirt off over my head and tossed it on the floor with Daniel's clothes. I rolled off of him and lifted my legs up and pulled off my track pants, like Daniel's my cock slapped against my stomach. I tuned on my side and gently took Daniel's cock in my hand, it was about six inches, perfectly formed and hard as a rock. He gasped a little when I touched his cock but then settled down. I took Daniel's left hand and put it on my cock.

Daniel sat up. "Please tell me that's your fucking arm."
I laughed. "I know you can handle it."


"Handle it? We'd need a crane to handle it." He smiled at me and kissed me. "I'm kidding, you have a pretty dick and I've got some really good lube.

James, before we do anything, shit this is gonna sound needy, but would you just hold me for a while? I mean, I'm as horny as you are but it's just been so long since I've felt that and it's the thing I need most.


I laid down next to Daniel and held him in my arms, he rolled over and put his head on my chest. After a while he reached down and lifted up my cock. "Holy fuck! You better be gentle."

I kissed the top of his head and said. "Daniel, I figure that after this long without sex we better just treat you like a virgin." I massaged the back of his neck. "Don't worry hun we're not going any faster than you want to. You're calling the shots."

Daniel was slowly stroking my dick. "It sure is a pretty one. It may be the nicest dick I've ever seen."



"That's all that French Canadian blood in me. Sometimes those guys needed to split logs with their dicks." I lifted his chin up and kissed him. "But I'm more than just a big dick ya know.


I pulled Daniel up even with me and held his face in my hands and kissed him.
"It's like you've taken over my mind, for the last twenty-four hours I haven't been able to think of anything else. I got cases sitting on my desk and I don't give a fuck about them. There's like a million things that I need to get done regarding my family and the divorce and I don't give a fuck about them either. When I close my eyes I see your face, when I open them I want to see it. I've never felt like this before in my life, not for my wife not for anyone." I kissed him again.

I began to kiss the underside of Daniel's jaw and up behind his ear,
moving very slowly, enjoying every centimeter of the skin that I was adoring so totally. When I kissed behind his ear Daniel began to moan very softly almost inaudibly so
I began kissing all around his ear and slowly working my way inside of it.
This seemed to cause a explosion of movement as Daniel started writhing under me and gasping as my tongue entered him. I held his head with both hands and stopped him from moving too much.

From his ear I moved my tongue down to Daniel's nipples, which are pretty prominent. Generally if a guy has big nipples they're sensitive and so were Daniels. The first lick had him begging me to stop but aside from varying the pressure of my tongue and teeth I kept torturing his nipples. All during my working over of Daniel's nipples his legs were coming up to the point that by the time I was done with them his legs were wrapped around my waist and my dick was poking somewhere near his ass.

After I finished with his nipples I returned to kissing Daniel. The kisses were deep and passionate and our tongues became intimately acquainted with each other.

"James, please, I'm ready, please man, I need your dick." He kissed me.
"Please fuck me."

I put my mouth next to his ear and in a husky whisper. "You really need my cock?"
"Oh god yeah! Please James, fuck me."


I pushed his hair out of his eyes and spoke in the same voice.
"Daniel, when I fuck you your ass is gonna be mine. That what you want?
"God yes James! Just stick it in me." Please babe I really need it now!
"Do ya love me? I want to fuck my lover."
"Yes, oh fuckin yes! I love you James."
"You sure you want it."


He just groaned. I turned him over so that he was on his hand and knees. I pushed his knees further apart, took the lube on the night stand and started applying it to Daniels asshole, slowly pushing my index finger in and moving it around so that he'd get used to it. Soon it was joined by a second finger and eventually a third. I pushed them in twisting them as I went. Daniel was silky smooth inside and his asshole tightened around my fingers.

"You ready?"
"God yes! Put it in...........but slowly."

I put my condom covered dick where my fingers had been and slowly pressed forward for a bit and then stopped.

"Okay Daniel, it's up to you now, push back and take as much as you can." We were both lightly sweating as Daniel started pushing backward, making little grunting sounds.

Just as we were reaching the point were Daniel was either going to push me back off the bed or my cock was going to break in half in popped into him.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh holy fuck!" Daniel was trying to pull off my cock but I held him in place.
"Hang in there Daniel! It'll pass."


"Ohhhhh fuck that hurts! Ohhh fuck!" Daniel lower his head to the bed while he got used to my cock in his ass. I leaned forward and rubbed his shoulders and talked quietly to him.

Very slowly, so slowly that even Daniel couldn't much feel it I began to fuck him. When I say slowly I do mean slowly, an eighth of an inch in, a sixteenth back, slowly going deeper into him.



I talked to him for every second, telling him that I loved him, telling him how great his ass felt and how good it was going to feel for him soon.

By the time that I had about six inches in his ass I was moving about a half inch in and out and Daniel was no longer talking about pain.


"Oh baby! Oh baby your ass feels fucking fantastic!" And god it did! Having my cock in Daniel's ass threw my feelings for him into overdrive, all I could think of was keeping this man mine.


This sure wasn't my first fuck but it made all the others seem like nothing. Seeing Daniel throw his head back first in pain and now in ecstasy was making my heart turn in my chest.

2
I wanted both to totally dominate him sexually and to totally serve him as a lover, a mate. I knew that for better or worse things were never going to be the same and that the man beneath me was going to be the center of my life.


"Fuck James, oh god! Your cock is so fucking great!" He reached under himself and felt my dick moving in his ass. "Oh man! That's fantastic." Then. "Give me more James, I can take more. I slowly buried my cock all the way into Daniel's ass, he gasped but then said. "Fucking yes, yeah, yeah!" Then.

"Been so fucking long. So fucking good, so good." Daniel reached back and felt my cock moving in him again and then held my balls in his hand. "God I can hold your balls James! I can hold your fucking balls while you fuck me."

"Oh shit! Oh god James, I'm fucking cumming." Daniel clamped down on my dick as he started to cum and at the same time started bucking his ass up and down and that triggered my own orgasm.

"Oh fuck Daniel! Oh fuck, I'm cumin in your ass." I dropped down over Daniel's back as I pumped my load into is ass. I kissed the back of his neck and wrapped my arms around him.

Afterwards we just collapsed forward, Daniel on his stomach with me on top of him my cock still in his ass.

Slowly I pulled Daniel over on to his side with me behind him. My cock slowly plopped out of his ass. After a few minutes to get our breath back Daniel rolled over so that he was facing me, he buried his face in my chest and wrapped his arms around me. I was beginning to understand that Daniel's need for affection was almost limitless and he loved burying his face in my chest while I held him, this was a position that he would happily stay in for hours or until he was moved.


I kissed the top of Daniel's head.
"You doing okay?" I was lightly rubbing Daniel's back.

"Better than." He was talking into my chest.
"You're being kinda quiet."
"Trying to sort it out."
"I love you."
"God I love you too!" Then. "Are you always this nice?"
"How do ya mean?"
"Well........just nice. I mean like everything you've done." He looked up at me. "You've been so patient with me."

I rolled Daniel onto his back, wrapped my arms around him and kissed him deeply. I ran my fingers through his hair.
"You don't suppose it's because I love you do ya?" Daniel looked confused. "Daniel, these aren't just words to me and I don't understand how in the hell it could have happened so fucking fast, but babe, I do love you."

"I know you do. I can feel it." He turned into my chest again. "Just been so long."

I held Daniel for a long time and then began to notice how perfectly formed his ass was, how creamy white the color and how perfect the shape. I ran my hand down his back as his face was laying on my chest and started massaging those beautiful cheeks and slipping my finger just slightly into his ass.

"Mmmm, that feels nice."
"Daniel you have the prettiest ass I've ever seen."
"Well you've got the prettiest dick that I've ever seen." He reached down to touch my cock. "Oh geez." He lifted his head and looked down at my cock then up at me. "Wanna split some logs?"

We fucked on and off for the rest of the afternoon, then took a break for some grilled steaks. Afterwards we snuggled together on a chaise lounge on the patio watching the sun going down and just being in love together. Finally it got too cool to stay outside and we went inside, lit a fire in the fireplace and wrapped ourselves in a blanket and sat in front of the fire just kinda kissing and playing with each other.

"Oh fuck Daniel! I looked at him. "I gotta go to work tomorrow! I don't have any clothes with me."

"James don't go!" He took my face in his hands. "Honest babe I'll wake you up early tomorrow and you can run home and change. But I really need you here tonight." Daniel looked angry with himself and got up off the floor and went and sat on the sofa. "Forget that James, I'm being fucking needy, if you need to go home so you can get ready for work tomorrow then you should do that."

I walked over to the sofa and pulled him up into an embrace, we were both naked. "Promise you'll get me up by five?"
"I promise. And I promise I'll wake you up in a way that you'll like."
He took my hand." Let's go to bed.

By five in the morning I think that I was more tired than I have ever been. My wife and I didn't fuck like that on our honeymoon, well with her what could you expect, in any event by the time that I got to work I was pretty much a zombie.

Part of me wanted to move in with Daniel, which is what he wanted also, but on the other hand I had my kids to think of, since visitation hadn't been settled yet, not that they wanted to see me but I still felt that I needed to keep my own place. Over the next few days I did start bringing some suits, shirts and ties over to Daniel's. I couldn't stand not being with him especially at night and as strongly as I felt that, it was even worse for him. Daniel wanted me with him every second, and more than anything on earth I wanted to make him happy.

I'm sure that my work suffered although I tried really hard for that not to happen but quite honestly the only thing on my mind for those first few weeks was Daniel. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to be sure that he was okay. I guess that I was and to a large degree still am feeling a very basic need to make sure that the one you love is happy and safe.

I wasn't really going home to my apartment anymore, when I left work I went to Daniel's unless I needed to pickup more clothes or something. It was weird at first, I mean I love Daniel, but it wasn't our house, it was his. I kinda got used to that but I was also kinda feeling like a long term guest or something. But I was sure that we could work it out.



By Terry Audette

The Affirmation

"Self-acceptance means accepting our whole self; the talents and strengths
along with the foibles and pain.
When we deny, repress or hide any aspect of our self
it is akin to rejecting ourselves.
The very things we want most in life include being accepted,
loved and acknowledged, yet we often don't give these gifts to ourselves"

We are all here to grow, learn and enjoy life, and no one is perfect.
Making mistakes, experiencing pain and embarrassing ourselves are
all a part of the package. But if we walk around hiding certain aspects,
disguising who we really are, we shrink and live a partial life.
If we own all of our qualities and life experiences,
we flourish and expand into our wholeness.
We drop shame and embrace acceptance. We stop cringing and start laughing.

When we learn to accept ourselves fully,
we discover that feeling our hurts releases them,
acknowledging our fears and doubts reduces them,
and honoring our true nature of love and
joy opens us to our authentic self.



Insights
* What aspects of yourself do you find the easiest to accept? What parts of your physical appearance, personality, emotions, painful experiences, pleasurable sensations, reactions, skills, talents, and so on do you easily accept even if there are apparent flaws?

* What aspects of yourself do you accept the least by denying, judging or repressing? Is this a reflection of what you deem to be acceptable and not acceptable in the eyes of others, family or society in general?

* What would it be like if you accepted all of yourself? What would it take for you to do this? What would you have to let go of? What would you have to embrace?

Inspiration
* Bring to your awareness all the things you like about yourself; physical qualities, personality traits, the way you interact with others, nature or animals, your gifts and talents. Notice how this feels when you accept and acknowledge these.

* Bring to your awareness something you have trouble accepting in yourself. It may be something physical you've judged, or a pain or emotion you've been avoiding, or a behavior you dislike in yourself. Say hello to it with neutrality and just acknowledge its presence. Now take a step further and imagine embracing this aspect of yourself with love and acceptance. Notice how this feels to do this.

* Practice accepting all of yourself. Be aware of the bigger you that operates out of love, acceptance, and amusement. Each time you notice that you are judging yourself, switch to accepting that part of yourself. If you are repressing an emotion or thought, just say hello to it and allow it to be. Shine your true essence onto all the parts you previously rejected and notice how this lifts you up and supports you in being more free and authentic.

"Happiness can exist only in acceptance"
Denis De Rougamont

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