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My new boyfriend is into anal play and I want to accommodate him.
I've never been a huge bottom. How can I best accommodate him?
Needing a pylon primer
Dear P.P.,
When it comes to getting used to being penetrated, the strategy is to work up to it. If you want to get used to having something moving in and out, the shower is a good place to begin to get acquainted with your own tushy. With your daily rinse or time in the tub, include a little lotion (since soap can irritate the anal area) and use your finger to gently move into place. You'll notice when your finger moves, the sphincter naturally wants to tighten up. That's fine, but then have your mind relax the sphincter muscles.
Do this regularly till it's like fallin' on a log -- pun intended. It's a good exercise to get in touch with your body and relaxation, as well. Believe me, if you can relax your anus, you can relax any muscle group. Just a note: I recommend you do this in the privacy of your own bathroom, not when showering at the gym.
Another way to cuddle up to your nether regions is the exciting field of dildology. These days, there are literally hundreds of styles, shapes and movements to satisfy the most discerning of rosebuds. It's a great way to get used to exploring deep inside before letting someone else go spelunking. Anal pleasure, although it can be blissful, is also often an acquired taste.
If you're not sure where you fit -- at least attitudinally -- within the top/bottom, aggressive/passive roles, here's a humorous way to determine how you might best like your round peg and square hole to fit: If asked to "Shut the door," a passive bottom would shut the door. An aggressive bottom would say, "Make me!" A passive top would not know what to do with that, but an aggressive top would make him! Which best describes you?
That said, not everyone can make room for the athletic prowess of being a bottom. Nothing's wrong with that, either. Most people discover their butt to be very sensitive. Some feel it is the deepest place to be touched by another, which can give men some idea of what a woman feels when penetrated. The important thing is you are doing it because you want to and it feels good, not because you are being pressured into it or you have some sense that "Well, I want to make Bubba happy or he'll leave me." Screw that! Don't ever think being a bottom means the pleasure is always dependent on your ability to "take it." That's bullshit!
The best kind of top is a patient one who is aware of your pleasure -- at least when getting familiar with your territory. With time and sensitivity, a savvy top can safely navigate his (or her) way into the tightest of spaces with you begging for more. Once it's in, you may need some practice before you learn to relax those muscles. But eventually, after you're comfy, he can plow you like a tractor in a cornfield. After all, do you know what the bottom said when he got fisted by the perfect top? "Please keep hands and arms inside the ride at all times!" In the end (d'oh! Another pun), hopefully, the anus will become another part of your sexual repertoire and enjoyment, with all kinds of facets available.
source: www.gay.com
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